Au revoir mes petits chous!

PARIS OR BUST.

NO PANTS.

...I'm too nervous to write much else.

Love, Lauren

Our Forest Friends

In an effort to describe the way in which time passes as we housesit, Maddie and I have dubbed the home of which we are in charge "The Vortex." We've been here for a little over a week but we really can't seem to remember much of it. My friend Gwyn came over the other day and asked how we pass the time in a house where the dogs can't be left alone. Neither of us could really come up with a substantial answer.

So, since the negligible amount of money I'll be making from this venture will probably be spent at Target and various Portland area bars within 24 hours of me receiving it, I feel the need to offer some sort of proof that we spent two weeks in The Vortex. Here are a few snapshots of the crazy creatures our employers refer to as "pets"...

This is Gertie. She's pretty aloof. We don't really know a whole lot about her aside from the fact that she's super old and puked on the living room carpet.

This is Spike. She likes to live dangerously, as evidenced by the fact that she has one paw on the On button and another on the burner of the gas stove.

This is His Royal Goobyness, the thorn-in-our-sides-but-we-still-have-this-weird-affection-for-him, Charlie. He's the reason we can't leave the house. We tried one time and he ate six croissants.

Here is Max, doin' what he do best, playin' chase. Seriously though, this little dude can chase a ball for hours. Our nickname for him is Maxi-Pad.

When I saw this picture, I told Maddie that if she ever starts a blog, it should be called Angryface.

If you say you don't remember this game, you are either a filthy liar or had the saddest childhood ever.

Sorry this post had nothing to do with travel! Maybe it will serve as a point of contrast to future posts from exotic locales. Hell, anything looks exotic when juxtaposed against pictures of somebody else's pets and Maddie's sad face, right??

Oh, um, hello

Welcome to No Pants, my EuroTrip '08 Official Travel (and a Few Other Intriguing Topics) Blog!

Aunts, Uncles, Parents: thank you, especially, for making this exciting leap into the world of electronic networking and communication!

Don't worry. Despite what the title of this blog (and the fact that I chose a profile picture in which I am decidedly and unashamedly pantsless) might suggest, I do intend to wear pants in Europe. Once in a while. Maybe when it's a little nippy out. But in all seriousness (feh...) the whole "No Pants" thing will, I hope, function more as a statement of focus, a defining ethos, an overarching theme, a mindset, than as a physical condition in my upcoming travels. I like to think of it as going mentally and emotionally commando.

With 15 days between me and my Lufthansa flight, I realize it's a bit early to start blogging, but Maddie and I are currently housesitting in Eastmoreland, Where Time Stands Still, and I am bored. The only channel the TV in this house gets is Unavision. The kind of boredom we're experiencing is the kind that made us actually try to watch Unavision today. Yes, Unavision is all in Spanish.

Hence, the birth of No Pants! And the subject for today's post...

Disney Princes (no, not Princesses): do they form the foundation for all of my notions of male attractiveness? I started thinking about this when I saw a facebook bumper sticker (Aunts, Uncles, Parents: don't worry about those last three words) that featured four classic Disney princes under the words "Disney gave me unrealistic expectations about men..."

Here it is:

If you took away their hair and clothes (ohohohooo...), they'd all look exactly the same. So, my question is: does the fact that I (and many American young women of a certain age) watched Disney movies and absolutely nothing else during my formative years basically proscribe what men I find attractive and what men I don't? Let's take a look, using some of my celeb crushes. The results, I think, are verrrrrrry interesting...

First! Exhibit A! John Krasinski from "The Office" and Prince Philip from "Sleeping Beauty":

Strong jawline, hair dashingly coifed to the side, playful-yet-nonthreatening smirk...I see it.

Number 2: Joaquin Phoenix and Prince Charming from "Cinderella":

They're both brooding, a key element that is quite often my downfall when it comes to dudes. Also same hair and, sort of creepily, skin tone?

I realize this next Disney hero isn't technically a prince, but I had a huuuuuuuge crush on Peter Pan, so I think it's important that I include him.

I mean, I know James McAvoy supposedly just made the transition to big action star (I haven't seen "Wanted"...Angelina Jolie makes me uncomfortable) but part of his appeal to me is that he sort of has that youthful, man-boy thing. It's enhanced by the mop-top he shares here with Peter.

Finally, sigh...the Prince from "Snow White" (he doesn't seem to have a real name...) and Floyd from "30 Rock":

YES, OK, I HAVE A CRUSH ON FLOYD FROM "30 ROCK." WHATEVER.

I guess my point is that there is definitely a pattern here, no? Like the cartoons, all the celebs have vaguely the same facial structure, hair, etc. I mean, the Disney princes are clearly not modeled on this. I also think it's significant that my favorite Disney movie of all time is "Beauty and the Beast," and I much, much prefer the Beast to that effeminate, girl-voiced pansy he turns into at the end. So make of it what you will.

So! That was fun! Thanks for stopping by, I promise the next post won't be as long as this one. Or maybe it will. Depends on what's on Unavision tomorrow.